One Is The Strongest Number: Getting Comfortable In Your Lonely

Being alone does not have to mean being lonely. Being alone means that you should be at the center of your spirituality and power. One is not the loneliest number, one is the strongest. Realizing the power in your solitude is a hard lesson. Whether you are blossoming as an individual in your teens or outgrowing friends and relationships as a young woman, feeling lonely is a by product.

But before diving into the normalcy that is loneliness though, especially as a woman, one should understand that it is OK to feel your feelings. Being lonely does not feel good and denying the hurt will only make you feel worse. The key to turning things around is realizing that loneliness stems from a misunderstanding of or discomfort with ourselves. It is why our relationships change. It is why we feel lonely when we are with the one person who should care most about us; ourselves.

At a time like this though, it's understandable that the last thing you are looking for is yourself. But therein lies the problem. When it boils down, all we have is ourselves. Looking for outward companionship is part of who we are as human beings and as animals. Companionship is a basic need. Even still, attracting the right people, romantic outlets or otherwise, will ultimately be based on how we feel about and carry ourselves.

So you feel alone and possibly a little lost. Take a deep breath, have a good cry and lets get to work.

  1. Let it go. Don't chase after what is missing. Whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship that has ended; just leave it be.
  2. Focus on you. Now is the time to look inward and give yourself everything you think only another person can give you. Compliment yourself, treat yourself, and pick yourself up everyday.
  3. Revisit what makes you happy. Relationships of any kind can change us. Although we may have been surrounded by people with like interests, we may have looked up find out we have separated from what truly makes us happy.
  4. Get out. As in out of the house. Sitting alone is not making you feel any better (obviously) so you have to join the world. Grab lunch, go to the bookstore, be extra kind to the cashier. You won't make new friends or meet the right guy (or girl) if you're on the couch. It just doesn't happen that way. (unfortunately)
  5. Don't rush it. You should still be focusing on you. Again we are not chasing down a relationship of any kind rather you should be connecting with people organically. Tapping into what you love and going out into the world will present you with a plethora of opportunities.
  6. Don't change. Change should always be for the betterment of yourself; not for the adoration of others. Remember to stay true to what makes you happy. Keep to your hobbies, your style, your speech. Changing yourself will make you uncomfortable with yourself. One day you will be in a room full of people, and feel lonelier than ever.
  7. Stay in your own corner. Not literally. We're not talking isolation here. Instead we're talking about when it comes to what is best for you. You are your biggest cheerleader, your love for yourself should be your greatest power. Fight for yourself, always, over everything and everyone else.

You have to take time for yourself when you are lonely even though it may sound counterproductive. Strong relationships need a strong base. If you are not comfortable in yourself you will never be comfortable with another person.

One can certainly be the loneliest number sometimes. But that does not make it any less strong.

Chelsea Redding