Diving Back In

There is a lot going on with me these days. But then again there's always something going on with me I'm just very good with ignoring it and pretending my life is plain, boring, and everything is OK. 

But in this episode of "getting my life together" I'm facing making some major changes for my happiness and health. Changes I will not go into detail around as only so much of my personal life can be shared.

But I do want to talk about my spirituality for a moment. 

This isn't a new topic. It's one I've talked about before and I used that time to explain why I saw myself as spiritual rather than religious. That hasn't changed; but I am trying to be more open in allowing certain values and practices back into my life. 

See the "Embracing My Spirituality..." post here

Christianity is a very core part of what makes me who I am. I was raised Christian (Baptist) and I even attended Catholic school for the greater part of my education. The college I chose was even a school evolved out of a private catholic institution. Although catholic values were not enforced. 

As I got older I realized church could be wherever I wanted it, prayer became synonymous with meditation, and that christian persons wouldn't always be my favorite type of person. 

Recently, I've come to terms with the fact that people ruined church and religion for me. It was never really and issue of feeling abandoned or like my prayers weren't being answered. It was the clashing facts, the fake people, and the out-right restriction I felt the need to pull away from. 

The moral of the story here is that although I thought I hadn't abandoned my Christianity, I had. There are still aspects I can no longer bring myself to believe or put my faith in; but there are others, like unconditional love, that I could use more of in my life. 

I'm not ready to return to the church. Probably never will be.  

But I am so ready to let some semblance of the church back into my life. A lack of a loving feeling is part of the driving force of my issues these days.

Love from other humans is one thing, but I'm learning that what my religion taught me was how to love myself. A lesson I need to relearn. 

Chelsea Redding